marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize