i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
