so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
