I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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