Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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