and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
