You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize