i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
