Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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