He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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