so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
