he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
