Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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