Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
