I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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