Can Purell be used as lube?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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