Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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