Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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