I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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