my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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