I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
