I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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