At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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