I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They took my balls.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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