Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize