maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
