just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
