if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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