last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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