If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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