ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
