I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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