So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
