You don't have asthma, your pregnant
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
