i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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