we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize