i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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