I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
