Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
