To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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