$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize