i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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