Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
