Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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