was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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