I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
