you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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