It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
