i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
