I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize