you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
