ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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