whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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