Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sext me about skeletons
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
