i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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