My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
