she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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