I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
