So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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