All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
