its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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