i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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