college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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