Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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