I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I will pee on everything he values.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
