i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
