Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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