I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
