I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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