North Korea, Best Korea!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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