I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
