You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
